Family Pictures by Jane Green

Author:Jane Green
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Macmillan
Published: 2013-03-19T04:00:00+00:00

29

Maggie

The doorbell rings. I ignore it, muting the television set just in case Kelly Ripa’s voice drifts out the window to the driveway, letting the intruders know I’m home.

This morning the reality hit me all over again, the shame, the fear. And I was right back to square one, to wanting to stay in bed and hide for the rest of my life.

The doorbell forces me up, to furtively peer through the shutters in the bathroom. A black Range Rover in the driveway, a blonde in tennis whites climbing back in and driving off, doubtless having left something on the doorstep.

I can’t get out of bed. I haven’t heard from Mark. I’ve left countless messages, from the relatively sane “let’s talk about this” kind of message to the late-night, sobbing, “how could you do this to your children, how could you do this to me?” kind of message.

I go into the bathroom, and as my eye falls on Mark’s shaving kit, tucked in the corner, grief crumples my face again, so I hold on to the counter for support. I can’t believe this. I can’t believe this is actually happening to me.

I’m not sure which is worse. Losing Mark, or losing my life.

I’m not sure it matters anymore.

* * *

There is a smell in the bathroom, and it takes me a little while to realize it’s me. Days of lying in bed, not showering, not brushing my teeth, lead to me wrinkling my nose in disgust as I pull my nightgown over my head, pausing to examine myself in the mirror. Am I really so flawed, so awful, so inadequate that my husband needed to find someone else?

I turn to the side, cupping the potbelly I can’t get rid of, no matter how hard I work out, how many juicing, aka cleansing, aka starvation diets I do. Other than that, my body is honed at the gym, sculpted at Pilates; my hair cut, highlighted, and blown out regularly.

Botox keeps the frown lines at bay, Perlane giving me back the cheekbones I never had. I like to think I look young for my age, rather than someone who has had work done, but all the girls I know have the same treatments I do, think the same thing, and I look at them and know exactly what fillers they’ve used. And where.

My face doesn’t look so good today. Not eating for just a few days has given me a gaunt, wild-eyed look. My hair is stringy and greasy, a big zit forming just below my hairline.

I step back and cup my breasts, holding them up, restoring gravity. Is it this that Mark wanted? Is it that I am not particularly interested in sex? Of course, I was once, when we first met. Before we were married, we were wild, but somehow I became less and less interested once I had walked down the aisle.

Then came Chris, the others. Neither Mark nor I had the energy to pretend, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep to the dulcet sounds of the television set.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.